How To Be A Lola

There comes a time when she must stop. She is always going. She is always bubbly and encircled by people that love her and she is so great at meeting people. She walks with her head high like no one can touch her and she is bulletproof. No one will be able to touch her. She is invincible and she will stand through anything.
Her heart is warm and loving, yet perfectly cold so she doesn’t slip in the wrong puddle. She will probably always be alone because no matter how loving she is, the honest point to make is she is unloveable. How can she ever allow herself to get hurt? She will put a wall up for earthly feelings every day if that is what it takes.
She fights the flesh every day in many different ways and she realizes that she is strong enough to win. She realizes she is ok with being alone forever. How could she ever go on mission trips and do God’s work for her if she was always tied down to a place? How could she ever accomplish anything she is called to do?
Then she realizes she doesn’t want to travel her journey alone. She doesn’t want the world to be changed by her, but by them. She wants to look at someone and come alive by the way he is looking back at her and her heart is screaming when she prays. It is screaming some nonsense about being a good wife… What?! Who does that? Who wants to be a wife? That is not her goal, so why is she praying about it all of a sudden? Why is she the one who has to come to grips with all of these emotions when in a honesty, someone else should have to.
She wants to shake people and tell them that talking is amazing and one of her favorite things to do, but at the end of the day, it is just that. It will always just be a noise that comes out of the mouth. If you can’t act like or show what you are saying, is there any reason to continue on? Should we all have to sit around and suffer through the moment? She doesn’t want to raise, change or train anyone. She just wants to be loved, feel needed and maybe have someone else worry for just a few. She can admit that sometimes she wants someone to sing her to sleep or fill the walls with beautiful music and write her cute notes to be found when he has gone. She has so much that she has imagined in this one person and yet, that person exists. That person has existed many times throughout her life.
They have fallen short though. They always end up being more emotional and needing more comfort than she has. She wants to be there for him, but she wants to rest too. It has to be a two way street. She wants a leader, so she can take off her leader pants for a while. She wants to feel like the girl for once. She wants someone to guide her and make decisions. She knows that deciding where to eat should take five minutes, not five hours.
She needs God. She wants him to know God at least on her level. Her level of faith is so big that she knows it would take a big man to feel those shoes. She couldn’t honestly love someone who can’t feed her spiritual appetite. She knows what God has in store for her. He has shown her many times. She has to be patient and continue to be a work in progress. She has to strive to be more Christlike on a daily basis. She has to continue being his hands and feet for Him. She needs someone to love her and understand that. He would have to be able to encourage her and support her. There are just so many parts to this and she knows….
For now, she buries her love in God. He has her heart and she will never let go just as He never let go of her. She will always give her burdens to Him and let Him deal with them. He knows the desires of her heart and of they coincide with His plans, it will work out. If not, than something bigger and better lies ahead and she knows it could only be mind blowing.